A few months ago in a small group, I was lamenting about a conversation I had had with a friend about politics. The conversation hadn’t gone well at all and had left me with a bad taste in my mouth. A pastor in the small group lamented as well about a similar situation. But then she said something unexpected: “I’m not going to let politics ruin a good friendship.”
That phrase has stuck with me. I’ll be honest, I’m still mulling over what that means for me and my situation.
How many of us are having/have had similar conversations? How many of us are having/have had similar experiences with our friendships?
It can be very hard, especially right now, to be friends with someone on the opposite political spectrum as yourself.
I don’t need to go on and on about how divided we are as a country. We all see it. We all know it. We all experience it.
But what can we do about it?
Crucial Conversations
In seminary I took a class called “Ministry and Conflict.” It is still one of the most practical classes I took in seminary. In the class we were assigned to read a book called “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.
There has been one sentence in particular from this book that has been echoing in my mind over the past few months, and even more so since the election results:
“Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do what this person is doing.”
Specifically from the book, this is the question to ask ourselves when in a conflict with another person. However, we can also ask this question when talking with family, friends and acquaintances that have different political views than us.
As I’ve thought about this question, I’ve realized that this question forces me to reframe how I think about the other person. Difficult political conversations can leave us believing the other person is unreasonable, irrational, and indecent. It can lead us to demonize the other person.
The Image of God…
In Genesis we read that humans were made in the image of God. This means all of us are made in the image of God. Even the person who believes the opposite of everything you do. Trying to imagine that person as “reasonable, rational, and decent” means to see in them the image of God. Even if it seems like their image of God is streak filled and dims God’s image. Even if only a small fraction seems to shine through of God. Even if we can’t see any of God at all in them. The image of God is still there.
I believe we all want to believe that our friends are “reasonable, rational, and decent.” We have had good times with this person. They have helped us out in hard times. They have been there for us. We have been there for them.
Believing our friend on the opposite political spectrum is “reasonable, rational, and decent” means to humanize them. It’s to remember that they are like us; someone who is trying to think rationally, who is trying to be a decent person, who is trying to be reasonable.
This can hopefully lead to understanding.
Not the type of understanding that means agreement, however. We will more likely than not still disagree. But at least there is now an opening, a way to better understand someone else’s point of view.
… or Not
At times, we just won’t be able to see the image of God in someone else. We won’t be able to see them as a “reasonable, rational, and decent” person. I recognize that there are times when a friendship will end, when a person will need to be cut out of your life. Each person has to make that determination for themselves. It’s not good to continue to be in relationship with someone who is causing you harm.
But if you still have some reluctance to end a family relationship or friendship, try this. At least then you can say that you tried.
Peace and blessings to you all,
Pastor Alex
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